Onto the next step.... Choosing an OB/GYN.
I didn't think much about having to go to an OB/GYN. Before this, my assumption was that S and I would begin trying to conceive (TTC) at some point down the road. I would call my family Dr and let her know that I had a positive pregnancy test, and she would recommend an OB/GYN or I would search for the hospital with the best looking delivery room and choose my Dr from there.
Instead, I was choosing an OB/GYN based on one that also specialized in Fertility (or had a specialist in their practice), and was affiliated with a hospital that had a NICU unit. You may be wondering why I was searching for these 2 items (hello chick, you just have some long cycles. So what). Well, after reading TCOYF I learned that women with long cycles have a harder time conceiving and usually have to pursue fertility treatments. *Here comes the domino affect*: With fertility treatments and drugs, comes the higher chance of multiples. With multiples, comes a higher risk pregnancy and higher risk that they are born prematurely. Hence the hunt for a hospital with a NICU unit. *Follow me?*
Here are the things I found...
1. There are no Fertility specialists (Reproductive Encronologist) in rural, religious areas.
2. Dr's put the Infertility page on their website in a small hidden corner. While the "YOU'RE HAVING A BABY" is in bright, bold, flashing letters on the top of their website.
3. When you live in a rural area, in the event of your child needing a NICU, they will be airlifted to a hospital 1.5-2 hours away from you, while you continue your stay in the small town hospital. (This caused me to also research our out of pocket portion of our health insurance plan, for airlifting. Oh, it's only $5,000 per person. So if you have twins, it's $10k. On top of the cost of labor and delivery, of $4,500 minimum. Cool)
4. There are exactly 62 OB/GYN's under my PPO (preferred insurance network), within a 100 mile radius of our house.
5. Only 4 out of those 62 work with anything Infertility related.
6. Only 1 out of those 4, works with a hospital that has a NICU unit inside it.
Well, welcome Dr. Nayhlor. You fit the profile. Not like we really had a choice anyway.
Never in a million years did I think that I would be researching a Dr solely based on their Infertility treatments and NICU units. I thought I would be basing it on which one offers the best bedside manner, who my family and friends recommend, and which hospital is closest to home.
Guess not.
Friday, August 23, 2013
Wait, what?
After those 2 cycles of 50 and 51 days, it was time to call my Dr for some answers. She recommended the book called "Taking Charge of Your Fertility (TCOYF)." Now, I was skeptical because we weren't trying to have a child. So why did I need to read a Fertility book? In the book, it recommended temping in order to figure out where you're at in your cycles so I don't need to be constantly taking pregnancy tests. Wait, backtrack, isn't that called Natural Family Planning? Isn't that originally what we discussed doing?
So temping is what I did.
I noticed that my temp never spiked. Meaning that I never ovulated. After 50 days, I called my Dr and pretty much asked her WTF? (I'm not putting in captions to what this means) At this point her response to me was, "I think your body is doing something more than what your normal family Dr can figure out. I recommend that you go see an actual OB/GYN." This is when the questions between S and I began to get more intense. Okay, so we knew that I didn't have a normal cycle, my body wasn't ovulating on its own, and if you don't ovulate then you don't get a period. So what do we do next? We knew that we were somewhat ready to start a family, but to willingly begin trying? We both love our jobs, love our carefree life, and truthfully we love being able to go away on weekends whenever we please. But my body isn't working right. It isn't doing the thing that a normal woman's body is supposed to do. Which after reading TCOYF, we understood meant that we couldn't get pregnant.
Wait, what? We can't get pregnant? We always joked about being on the 5 years to never plan, but that was an honest joke. We weren't serious. It was just a way to get family and friends off our backs. We want kids, we want to be parents. We just want to do it on our own timeline. Not someone elses.
So temping is what I did.
I noticed that my temp never spiked. Meaning that I never ovulated. After 50 days, I called my Dr and pretty much asked her WTF? (I'm not putting in captions to what this means) At this point her response to me was, "I think your body is doing something more than what your normal family Dr can figure out. I recommend that you go see an actual OB/GYN." This is when the questions between S and I began to get more intense. Okay, so we knew that I didn't have a normal cycle, my body wasn't ovulating on its own, and if you don't ovulate then you don't get a period. So what do we do next? We knew that we were somewhat ready to start a family, but to willingly begin trying? We both love our jobs, love our carefree life, and truthfully we love being able to go away on weekends whenever we please. But my body isn't working right. It isn't doing the thing that a normal woman's body is supposed to do. Which after reading TCOYF, we understood meant that we couldn't get pregnant.
Wait, what? We can't get pregnant? We always joked about being on the 5 years to never plan, but that was an honest joke. We weren't serious. It was just a way to get family and friends off our backs. We want kids, we want to be parents. We just want to do it on our own timeline. Not someone elses.
What is my body doing?
For a "normal" woman, you have around a 28 day cycle (give or take a few days). So at the beginning of October I discontinued the use of birth control, and my body decided to be "normal." I had not begun the temping yet, because S wasn't too sure he understood it fully and was sort of afraid of it (along with the chances of conception). But with a 28 day cycle I was hopeful that my body was going to be "normal" and it was just the birth control that was making it all weird the past 5 years.
The Dr. had also pre-warned me that it could take up to a year for my body to get back to normal after getting off hormonal BC. So I was happy and excited that it was already leveled out.
Then November came.....no period. December came.....no period. At this point S and I were freaking out. Are we pregnant? Are we not? Every test was negative, and after 40 days of no period, I called my Dr (along with consulting Dr Google, yeah, bad idea). She told me that it's possible my body is trying to regulate itself from the pill, and to continue taking a pregnancy test once a week until it's positive or until my period comes. After 50 grueling days of wondering whether to drink when out with friends, or not to drink, that b*tch of a woman (aunt flow) showed. Never in my 25 years of life, have I ever been so happy to get a period.
Now, let's get to the rest of December along with January. Oh guess what. Another cycle with numerous pregnancy tests, decisions on whether to drink or not drink with friends, and wondering what is going on with my body. At this point S and I just wanted some answers. Why? Why is my body taking forever to get a period? Why do I have to take a pregnancy test once a week after 28 days, even if we've been using other methods the entire time? Then you talk with a few friends about it, and they all think you're pregnant and give you the side-eye every time you have a sip of wine. Or ask you if you're pregnant every time they see you. That cycle finally ended after 51 days.
That was enough! We wanted some answers, and to no longer be worrying about what is going on. We know it's not normal for a women of child-bearing age to have 50+ day cycles, and honestly, taking pregnancy tests once a week was wreaking havoc on S & M's emotions.
The Dr. had also pre-warned me that it could take up to a year for my body to get back to normal after getting off hormonal BC. So I was happy and excited that it was already leveled out.
Then November came.....no period. December came.....no period. At this point S and I were freaking out. Are we pregnant? Are we not? Every test was negative, and after 40 days of no period, I called my Dr (along with consulting Dr Google, yeah, bad idea). She told me that it's possible my body is trying to regulate itself from the pill, and to continue taking a pregnancy test once a week until it's positive or until my period comes. After 50 grueling days of wondering whether to drink when out with friends, or not to drink, that b*tch of a woman (aunt flow) showed. Never in my 25 years of life, have I ever been so happy to get a period.
Now, let's get to the rest of December along with January. Oh guess what. Another cycle with numerous pregnancy tests, decisions on whether to drink or not drink with friends, and wondering what is going on with my body. At this point S and I just wanted some answers. Why? Why is my body taking forever to get a period? Why do I have to take a pregnancy test once a week after 28 days, even if we've been using other methods the entire time? Then you talk with a few friends about it, and they all think you're pregnant and give you the side-eye every time you have a sip of wine. Or ask you if you're pregnant every time they see you. That cycle finally ended after 51 days.
That was enough! We wanted some answers, and to no longer be worrying about what is going on. We know it's not normal for a women of child-bearing age to have 50+ day cycles, and honestly, taking pregnancy tests once a week was wreaking havoc on S & M's emotions.
No longer 99.9%
For most people, they get to a couple of years in marriage and decide "hey, let's start trying to have a baby." Then a month (or few) later, she misses a period, she takes a test, it's positive, she's happy, he's happy. 9 months later, a happy and healthy baby pops out and they call themselves a "family."
Then you have the other end of the spectrum.......people like Someday (S) and Maybe (M).
A few months into marriage I started having some trouble with my birth control. No big deal, this was normal for me. The Dr will just switch me to a different brand of pills, I'll be on those for the next 6 months, then will switch to a different brand again. So in October I called my Dr (whom I absolutely love), and scheduled an appointment to change my birth control. She was used to this, and we were on a first name basis with each other. Before the day of the appointment, she called me (yes, her personally. Small towns are great for this) and asked me to discuss with S a few different birth control options that were non-hormonal. She left me with a few types and told me to go ahead and do my research. She knows that I like having information and knowing what my body is doing. So this was a typical conversation for us.
So off I went to Dr. Google. *Disclaimer: Never Google anything medical related unless you want every BAD thing that can happen, or complication.* Let me tell you, typing "chances of conceiving" and diaphram, condoms, IUD, NPF (Natural Family Planning), brought up quite the descriptions, studies, and percentages. Along with a sickening feeling in my stomach. You mean to tell me that we are no longer going to be 99.9% effective, and only 80% effective instead? And we have to deal with creams, taking my temperature, charts, and deciding whether we don't want kids for 5 years? But my Dr. and I were determined that we could find some form of birth control that would not mess with my body, like the pill had for the past 5 years.
I then took this information to S and discussed with him what my Dr. wanted me to do. Here's how the discussion went:
M: My Dr. isn't sure what other pill she can put me on that I'm not going to have trouble with. So we need to find another method. Here are our options.....
S: Natural Family Planning? Like what Catholics do? Is that truly a method?
M: I guess so. She gave it to me as an option, so it must actually work.
S: Do whatever you feel is the best. I'm good with whatever.
After much discussion with my Dr. We decided that NFP would be a good option for us. For those of you not knowing what that is, it is where a woman takes her temperature each morning to track her cycle. Once she's ovulated, her temp will spike and she is no longer fertile until the next cycle. For NFP purposes, she is fertile for a 7 day timeframe (to which you abstain or use other methods).
Beginning in October of 2012, we were no longer 99.9% effective. For the first couple of months with NFP, you use a secondary method of BC in order to get familiar with when you ovulate. Now, for most people this is an easy couple of months. However, I'm an exception to that rule.
This is when the sh*t hit the fan......
Then you have the other end of the spectrum.......people like Someday (S) and Maybe (M).
A few months into marriage I started having some trouble with my birth control. No big deal, this was normal for me. The Dr will just switch me to a different brand of pills, I'll be on those for the next 6 months, then will switch to a different brand again. So in October I called my Dr (whom I absolutely love), and scheduled an appointment to change my birth control. She was used to this, and we were on a first name basis with each other. Before the day of the appointment, she called me (yes, her personally. Small towns are great for this) and asked me to discuss with S a few different birth control options that were non-hormonal. She left me with a few types and told me to go ahead and do my research. She knows that I like having information and knowing what my body is doing. So this was a typical conversation for us.
So off I went to Dr. Google. *Disclaimer: Never Google anything medical related unless you want every BAD thing that can happen, or complication.* Let me tell you, typing "chances of conceiving" and diaphram, condoms, IUD, NPF (Natural Family Planning), brought up quite the descriptions, studies, and percentages. Along with a sickening feeling in my stomach. You mean to tell me that we are no longer going to be 99.9% effective, and only 80% effective instead? And we have to deal with creams, taking my temperature, charts, and deciding whether we don't want kids for 5 years? But my Dr. and I were determined that we could find some form of birth control that would not mess with my body, like the pill had for the past 5 years.
I then took this information to S and discussed with him what my Dr. wanted me to do. Here's how the discussion went:
M: My Dr. isn't sure what other pill she can put me on that I'm not going to have trouble with. So we need to find another method. Here are our options.....
S: Natural Family Planning? Like what Catholics do? Is that truly a method?
M: I guess so. She gave it to me as an option, so it must actually work.
S: Do whatever you feel is the best. I'm good with whatever.
After much discussion with my Dr. We decided that NFP would be a good option for us. For those of you not knowing what that is, it is where a woman takes her temperature each morning to track her cycle. Once she's ovulated, her temp will spike and she is no longer fertile until the next cycle. For NFP purposes, she is fertile for a 7 day timeframe (to which you abstain or use other methods).
Beginning in October of 2012, we were no longer 99.9% effective. For the first couple of months with NFP, you use a secondary method of BC in order to get familiar with when you ovulate. Now, for most people this is an easy couple of months. However, I'm an exception to that rule.
This is when the sh*t hit the fan......
5 Years to Never?
Welcome to my blog.
This is where I will talk about the emotions of our journey through Infertility, along with some other items here and there. I will remain anonymous until we decide to "out" ourselves and our journey to parentood, with our family and friends. So for now, my name is Someday and my husband's name is Maybe (S&M, hehe).
So, "5 Years to Never," why the name of this blog?
Like many other newleyweds, everyone asks you the infamous question from the day you say "I do." What is that question? Well of course, it is "when are you going to have kids?" Why must this be the first initial question from day 1 of marriage? What makes people think that you would just love to discuss the state of your sex life with them? So for us, our response was "5 years to never."
Surely we wanted to have children, but we never put a specific "date" on when we wanted them. We just wanted to enjoy our married life, and discuss children when we felt like we wanted to take the next step in our lives.
So when are you going to have kids? "Um, we're on the 5 years to never plan" or "Someday....Maybe." Even if we want them tomorrow, we aren't going to tell you about it. So back off!
This is where I will talk about the emotions of our journey through Infertility, along with some other items here and there. I will remain anonymous until we decide to "out" ourselves and our journey to parentood, with our family and friends. So for now, my name is Someday and my husband's name is Maybe (S&M, hehe).
So, "5 Years to Never," why the name of this blog?
Like many other newleyweds, everyone asks you the infamous question from the day you say "I do." What is that question? Well of course, it is "when are you going to have kids?" Why must this be the first initial question from day 1 of marriage? What makes people think that you would just love to discuss the state of your sex life with them? So for us, our response was "5 years to never."
Surely we wanted to have children, but we never put a specific "date" on when we wanted them. We just wanted to enjoy our married life, and discuss children when we felt like we wanted to take the next step in our lives.
So when are you going to have kids? "Um, we're on the 5 years to never plan" or "Someday....Maybe." Even if we want them tomorrow, we aren't going to tell you about it. So back off!
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