S and I are both religious, and we attend church regularly. Well we have had many discussions about taking matters into our own hands and using medications to make my body work, if we will ever do Invetro to conceive a child, etc. These are all things that have been on our minds for months now, and are conversations we do not enjoy having but know we need to for our spiritual being.
Well as I had posted before, we decided that we will do 1 cycle with medication and see if it works. If it does not, then we know that we will not be doing another round of it for a while. S is also very adiment that he doesn't want to take this decision out of Gods hands, and he doesn't want to play God.
This is something I've had a hard time with. Thankfully I have a very supportive and religious BFF that I'm able to chat with in this regard, and bring some light to the situation and some sense into my mind. But it doesn't help with what S thinks and feels about our decisions and options.
This past Sunday we went to church and the sermon really got us both thinking. The pastor talked about Patience. Then elaborated that many people do not have patience with things and want to take control of situations and have them go their way. To where God has a plan for everyone, and if we just have patience, then it will work out in the way he intended.
I will be the first person to say that this is entirely me. I want to have control. I want to know what is going on. Not just with my body, but with anything I have my hands in. Some would say I'm a control freak, but I just consider myself motivated and organized.
During the service, S squeezed my hand and looked at me when the pastor was talking about this. For many of you couples out there, you know and understand that sometimes it only take a look or gesture and you know exactly what the other person is thinking. Well that was the case on Sunday. I knew exactly what he was thinking, and he's expressed to me his concern multiple times about us taking control of our Infertility situation. We have also had discussions on how far we are willing to go with treatments before feeling that those treatments are "playing God."
Now, S did not know at that time that I had a positive OPK the day before and the day of. We had already um......done the deed.......so there was no backing down on the choice we were making. But at what point do you begin getting assistance without feeling like you are taking too much control over the situation? At what point is it too far? How do you decide to take these medications and then think further on them and not be so sure about it? Are we playing God and taking too much control over the situation?
What happens when you and your husband do not agree on these decisions? How do you decide to move forward?
Then there's the last question on my mind. Why? Why do we have to make these decisions and go through this? Why us? Why can't it just happen for us like it does for others? I wouldn't even wish these questions or thoughts on my worst enemy. These are conversations no couple should have to go through, and questions they shouldn't have to ask each other. You are talking 2 morally sound, religious human beings to make a decision on whether to just trust fate and God, or use the tools God gives you in assisting you get to what you want.
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